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The Insecure Writer's Support Group: poor little cry baby

I'm a train wreck these days. My brain's distracted by a lot of stuff I'm not supposed to talk about--it's nothing medical or life threatening. I just have a lot going on, and I'm finding it particularly difficult to stay focused on things like writing and reading.

I'm sitting here in my chair with my eyes closed, which makes me nervous, because the bedroom door is open, and I'm not sure the house is locked up, and the hairy stranger, who my aunt tells me is Santa Claus, is probably climbing the stairs silently; I won't see him leaning over me, because I'm trying to meditate.

I open my eyes and no one's there, but my cats are staring at the spot where Creepy Santa should be standing, so I'm thoroughly convinced the ghost that my daughters go on and on about is reading over my shoulder, and I don't care for it. GAH!

I've spent the last few weeks reflecting on things--parenthood, marriage, unemployment...I was devastated when I lost my job a couple of months ago, but the initial shock and sadness only lasted a few days. I felt optimistic, which is and isn't unusual for me.

I'm a glass-half-empty person, but I have a good sense of humor--you might say I'm a pessimistic optimist. The point is, I felt strangely OK with being unemployed, UNTIL someone triggered me on social media I allowed someone to trigger me on social media, and I've been a raging ball of fury ever since.

Rage is the soul-sucker emotion. It's unproductive, it's stressful, it's depressing, and it metastasizes like cancer. I won't say it's an unnatural or hysterical reaction to a perceived injustice, but once it gets hold of you it's really hard to escape. It's like I'm stuck in tar. And the bitch of it is: I know what I'm doing. I know I'll feel better if I leave the house and go for a walk, but my body won't cooperate. It's mental paralysis; the motivation that serves as my emotional spinal chord is MIA.

I tell my daughters several times a day that life's not fair. I sing the serenity prayer--sometimes I rap it--when I'm stuck in traffic feeling guilty for the ugly things I wish upon the other drivers, but here I am marinating in my rage-spiked pity punch.

It's not doing anyone a damned bit of good. SO PULL YOUR FUCKING PANTS UP, AND MOVE THE FUCK ON! That's what my grandma would say without the F-bombs.

One hour at time, right? Little by little, step by step, it'll all get better. I have to find that place where I'm confident, where I know that everything happens the way it's supposed to. I just have to roll with it: Who cares what people think of me? So what if I look like a failure? No more excuses. No more rage. I wash my hands of it.

"Everything will be alright in the end. If it's not alright, it's not the end." And BREATHE...

The Insecure Writer's Support Group: To share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds!

Comments

  1. Then I hope you get that motivation and step out with confidence. If not, then fake it and do it anyway.
    I would watch out for the creepy Santa though.
    Welcome to the IWSG - you are in the right place!

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    1. Thank you for reading. I'm glad to be back in the blogosphere. IWSG is a great resource, so thanks for that too.

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  2. Awesome post, darling! Welcome to the IWSG! Yes, you're a mess - don't worry, we all are - embrace it and accept the messiness in all it's exquisite perfection. And keep writing!!!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for the words of encouragement. They go a long ways.

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  3. Hello, nice to meet you! So glad you joined the IWSG! BREATHE!!! Slowly breathe. Don't let that rage bug in...rebuke it...put some of the power into your writing!

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    Replies
    1. Oh yeah! Breathing. It's nice to meet you too. Thanks for reading.

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  4. Writing this post must have released a lot of build-up inside of you. I mean, just writing this phrase -- "here I am marinating in my rage-spiked pity punch." -- that was pretty awesome.

    Just let it all out through your fingertips and into a story/poem/flash/art/whatever. Who knows what you'll create.

    Watch this video of Neil Gaiman at a commencement speech to a graduating class of an art school, it might just inspire you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikAb-NYkseI

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    1. Awesome video. Success is such a funny thing--I mean waking up in the morning is a pretty big success, but we overlook it nearly every day on that mission to achieve whatever we've defined as success. And I know now what I'm writing about in my next post. Thank you.

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  5. I'm out of platitudes.....am tired of attitudes .... But somehow all this makes a lot of sense!!!

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    1. Busting rhymes. Perhaps you should be a rapper, Mother. Thank you for reading. XXOO

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  6. I've been distracted too, and my writing has suffered as a result. Social media can both be a wonderful source of support and a source of frustration. A sense of humor is the best way to handle life's upsets. I would say I am also a pessimistic optimist. Hopefully you can find a way to channel that rage and get things back on track.

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    1. Well, thank you for making social media a positive experience today :) And thank you for reading :)

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  7. Yes, one moment at a time. Now if I can only apply this to my life!

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    1. I know, I know. So much easier said than done.

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  8. Ha. I lost my job a few months back too and I am trying to keep a glass half full idea. Finding a new job is a challenge and some days gets me in a funk. :-( Good luck to you. One day at a time is all we can do and frankly it's all I can handle.

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    1. At least we know we're not alone. Good luck to you as well. Thank you for reading.

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  9. What you're saying is completely true. I know that everybody must say the same thing, but I just think that you put it in a way that everyone can understand. I'm sure you'll reach so many people with what you've got to say.

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  10. Blogging is the new poetry. I find it wonderful and amazing in many ways.

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