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Huh, what?

My husband complains that our children never listen. Sometimes he blames it on me, "You never make them do anything."

I have a different theory.

I believe our darlings are mimicking their daddy's behavior.


Exhibit A: I'm in the bedroom typing.


The door and windows are closed. The television is off. The heat is on. I run to the kitchen for something to drink. The trip takes no more than 30 seconds. And when I return--the the door and windows are open. The television is on. The heat is off. My husband is watching a football game.

"I'm trying to get some writing done," I tell him. "Maybe you could watch the game downstairs."

Silence.

"I said I'm trying to get some writing done. Could you maybe watch the game downstairs?"

"Huh, what?" He stares at me blankly.

"The football game is distracting me. Could you please watch it downstairs."

"OK."

I return to my computer screen. What was I writing about? People? Success? Failure? Winter? Cars? Cold? Football? Why is it so cold and...GOD DAMMIT! GOD DAMMIT!

I slam the door and lock it. I close the windows. I switch the heat on. I turn the TV off and rest for a moment on the edge of my bed.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. 

I shake my hands out to restore blood flow to my fingertips. I rise from my bed and stretch on my tiptoes--up, down, up, down. I slowly, cautiously return to my computer screen.


Exhibit B: I hear footsteps on the stairs.


They're approaching the bedroom.

The doorknob rattles.

Silence.

The doorknob rattles again.

I'm holding my breath, waiting, waiting, waiting...The pokey instrument scrapes loudly in the knobhole, and "CLICK" the door is unlocked. It swings open slowly, and I turn to scowl at my husband.

"What are you doing?" He asks me.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ARE YOU SERIOUSLY KIDDING ME?

"What's wrong?"

"I'm writing."

"Why's the heat on? Why'd you turn the TV off?"

"It was cold, and the football game was distracting me."

He picks up the remote and turns the TV on.

"We can watch something else," he offers. "What do you want to watch?"

I launch out of my chair and do the only thing I can think of in the moment--I hop up and down like an unruly child.

"What's wrong?"

"I just told you. I'm trying to write, and you keep coming in here and turning the heat off and turning the TV on really loud. Has it ever occurred to you that your children get their listening skills from you?"

Exhibit C: "Do you want to watch Big Bang Theory?"


"Go away."

Comments

  1. Maybe you can experiment with collaborative writing??? LOL!!!! Who knows what might result?? You need what they had in GET SMART...namely the "Cone of Silence". Check Craig's List or Amazon for in stock items.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey keep posting such good and meaningful articles.

    ReplyDelete

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