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A Valium would be good here

When will I learn: FOOTBALL IS NOT MY FRIEND.

It's SO beyond stupid.

My team will never win -- especially when I'm watching.

It makes me want to stab people, and I'm certain the stress of the 2003 Apple Cup gave me shingles, which I wouldn't wish on a Husky or a Duck.

Wazzu opened the season with an embarrassing loss to Brigham Young -- 6 to 30 -- though my Cougars were ROBBED of TWO touchdowns for bull sh** holds. Even the BYU-loving announcers conceded one of the calls was outrageous.

What is it about this pastime that turns me into the Exorcist girl? And what would they say at the ER if I told them I had football demons inside of me? 


I was jumping on the furniture, screaming myself horse, ordering a bunch of college KIDS to "eat sh** and die." They couldn't even hear me. The neighbors could hear me -- the entire city of Bothell too -- but my team was getting its ass kicked in Utah, where I'm pretty sure even my loudest LOUDEST screams never registered.

My dad was here too bating me into political debates during every timeout and commercial interruption -- "All that hate. You better watch yourself, you're beginning to sound like a Republican."

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH -- I HATE EVERYONE!"


Comments

  1. It's the same every year so why does it upset you. We Huskies are used to our teams uderperforming, except for the Apple Cup. That's an automatic win. Keep your chin up. There is always next year, or not. Al

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm surprised that girl at the top of the stairs bending over backwards didn't go to the ER. Alexis, do what I did about 10 years ago: accept sports as poor quality entertainment, grossly overrated and expensive, and develop a new hobby!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Is that a picture of your daughter up to the left? She's adorable... looks more like Jared.

    ReplyDelete

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