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Sibling rivalry

Ashlyn screamed at me the other morning, "MOMMY! You NAKED! (I was in my bathrobe.)"

And Lily said, "You don't need to broadcast that for the whole entire planet."

And Ashlyn said, "MOMMY! You NAKED!"

And Lily said, "You're a redneck, Ashlyn."

And Ashlyn said, "I not a redneck. You a redneck Bay-bo (that's Ashlyn's pet name for Lily)."

It's funny listening to my children quarrel. I never had a brother or a sister to fight with, and most people upon learning this tidbit about me roll their eyes, sigh deeply and announce "Well that explains a lot."

I'm loud, opinionated, occasionally self serving, impatient, bossy and a tiny bit aggressive -- it's got to be the Only Child Syndrome. Bleh!

I am who I am -- it's only loosely related to the number of puppies my mother popped out of her womb (one). I'm colorful, because my parents are CRAZY. (They're nuttier than a couple of rum-soaked fruit cakes.)

But I have lived my life always searching for that sibling my parents never gave me.

I latch on to people -- adopt them whether they like me or not. It's not something I'm proud of -- forcing myself on random folk who were nice enough to talk to me once or merely make eye contact.

My imaginary psychiatrist says I'm sociopath, and I can't disagree with him. I've been known to stalk, accost, irritate, threaten and obsessively love people. There's rarely any malice in it, but the parents of the guy I hung up on 912 times in seventh grade didn't care about my motives -- I was shy. It's not like I wanted to kill him or anything -- just kiss him.

Maybe there's something to this Only Child Syndrome. I might have stayed out of trouble as a youngster if I'd had a brother or a sister to tie me up -- hair pulling, screaming, scratching, spitting, biting, blaming, tattling ... There wouldn't have been enough hours in the day to stalk people and battle with my sibling(s).

I only hope my daughters realize how lucky they are to have each other -- if for no other reason than they won't be labeled sociopaths by an imaginary psychiatrist, because they'll never be lonely enough to invent such a person.


  1. I'm not sure that your lack of a sibling really explains your sociopathic behavior. Genetics is probably where you should be looking.

  2. Your genetics are just fine!!! Imagine the people in your life who wouldn't have mattered as much! We'll get the girls big blue fans and teach them to sing "sisters"!!


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