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Insecure writer's support group

Listening to the radio on my way to work this morning I learned that Internet Use Addiction was recently added to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders, which got me thinking -- perhaps there's a writing addiction disorder.

If the clinical definition of addiction is any compulsive behavior that interferes with your life and relationships -- I'm definitely an addict. 

It's a wonderful scapegoat -- addiction. 

When I finally lose it and shave my head and burn down my house and crash my car into the gun range clubhouse, I can blame it on my writing addiction -- "I'm sorry officers. I was suffering from writing withdrawals. It's a real thing -- look it up in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders."

I feel like a fraud these days calling myself a "writer." I don't write; I think about it all day while I'm busy with other crap, and when I finally get home and lock myself away to put words into sentences with periods and commas and quotation marks nothing happens -- or nothing good happens. I'm sure my family considers the door slamming, hair pulling and loud swearing SOMETHING.

But similar to coming off of cigarettes, alcohol, heroin or crack cocaine -- I feel anxious, delusional, nauseous, homicidal and depressed if I go too long without writing. 

"I'm itching for a pen and paper -- and a 40-sack of verbs -- F yeah. Hook me up, dude."

That would be something -- if I met with shady characters in dark assault-me alleys to purchase writing time. It works for druggies. And what honest-to-god druggie doesn't have a buttload of crazy stories to wow strangers on buses or long-lost relatives at family reunions they -- the druggies -- weren't technically invited to? 

Ermahgerd! It's like totally brilliant. I'll scuzz on the streets for a while, and my family will force me into treatment -- I've seen it on A&E's Intervention. I could write a novel in a treatment facility or at least catch up on my blog. I'd have to invent something stronger than a writing addiction to get into treatment obviously -- buy a junky's pee and fake withdrawal symptoms. 

I did drama in college -- I can pull off tremors and cold sweats no problem.



The Insecure Writer's Support Group: To share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds!

Comments

  1. What do you have against the gun club. When the black helicopters come to suppress your writing the folks at the gun club are the only ones with the desire and means to defend you. 2nd Amendment defends all the other ones.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I've got nothing against their guns -- I only wish they'd be quiet after 7 p.m.

    SILENCERS -- they're not just for mobsters!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lol...writing as an addiction? Sounds like a loophole to me. I'd love to go to a writer's rehab, only they'd make me stop writing when when I really need an escape from my daily life so that I can do more writing. And I know what you mean about feeling like a writing fraud; everyone in the blogosphere seems to have one or two novels complete, plus another one in the works. I write twice a week if I'm lucky, and I get nowhere. Gah!

    Also, I have to LOL at the comment above. AlTheDentist saw the word GUN in your post and stopped reading. Pay no attention to the tone or context, just keep shoving that 2nd amendment down our throats.

    Gun nuts. Gotta love 'em.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This reminds me of Winona Ryder in Girl Interrupted. I wonder what the treatment would be. Good drugs? A new laptop? Hmmm, I think I need an intervention!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Arthur Miller locked himself away for somewhere between 3-6 weeks when he wrote Death of a Salesman...think there might've been a twinge of an addiction going on there ;)

    PS--new follower from the IWSG!

    ReplyDelete

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