Bring on the juice, please

Oh, to have some time and peace and quiet. I wonder what it would feel like to not hear any voices all day -- to not be asked to wipe someone's butt, or blow someone's nose.

I'm on break, but it's not really a break. Anyone with children knows that the work away from home is the break. You don't get lunches at home -- you don't even get bathroom breaks. You can try to close the door, but someone will barge in on you: 

"I have an emergency. My sister yelled at me, and I told her not to." Or, "The cat is under the bed, and she won't come out." Or, "I can't find my Lalaloopsy doll." Or, "Daddy yelled at me for breathing."

The joys of being home with children. I can see why housewives take to drinking. I'd have gin and cocktail olives for breakfast every morning with orange juice and vodka, if I wasn't operating under the delusion that I'll block out something here and there to work on my 50,000-plus-word story. 

I look like a drunk with my dirty sweatpants and bed-head hair. Why not take the plunge into a bottle of Stoli? At least I would feel better than I look.

I had this beautiful plan to keep up my work schedule -- out of bed at 4 a.m., shower, dry hair and apply makeup.  That way, I'd have a couple of hours to write and read before the chaos crew -- Ashlyn, Lily and Jerod -- was up and at 'em. 

I didn't last two days. It's damn near impossible to resist the late-night stillness after you've spent a day hitting your head with a bag of bricks or chasing after a 2-year-old.

Did you know:

1. Ashlyn can use a chair as a footstool, retrieve markers from the tippy-top shelf in the cupboard, put the chair back where it belongs and color 20 square-feet of carpet in less than three minutes?

2. Ashlyn keeps notes on Lily's favorite toys and hides them and/or breaks them while she's at school. 

3. Ashlyn will throw a bowl of yogurt at you and smash her face against the floor, because you didn't let her serve herself.

4. Ashlyn can recite the prologue to Romeo and Juliette -- that's how many times she's seen the garden-gnome rendition of Shakespeare's famous tragedy.

May I have that drink now?